My reaction to the story was pretty
dull. I brutally and honestly didn’t
care for this story. It seems to be a
story about nothing trying to be something.
I can possibly see others seeing it the other way around. This story to me almost sounds like the
comedy movie 30 Minutes or Less. Its about an ordinary pizza guy who happens
to cross paths with two criminals. With
the dialog here and how wacky the film gets, the two sound similar.
The only connection I could make
was with the dialog. The character’s in
my eyes don’t mix well and could have been better, especially the person
telling the story. The dialog seems real
and natural that help move the story forward.
The dialog could fit in a TV sitcom or action like comedy.
After going back for the 3rd
time to read it, I’m starting to like it.
The story flows but just seems a little out of wacky. I think it would work perfectly as a TV
sitcom like The Bang Theory or Two and Half Men. It has this wacky but edgy story about
it. I could see it as a short animation
too. The setting works because of the
characters and how they enter the story.
I’d like to see more causality between the person telling the story, the
pollster and pizza delivery guy. I can
see the story telling struggling to tell a story and intensifying his paranoia
by introducing marijuana or other similar drugs to the story. The silly cruel dialog and shenanigans they
could get into would be hilarious.